Christ and His Oils

My favorite tales from childhood were those of Commodore Second Class Augustus L. Pennytoast and his ship The Vengeance. His adventures upon the high seas, under the flag of Her Majesty , gave me inspiration and nightmares that have lasted to this day. The tale I held in the highest esteem was that in which Commodore Pennytoast was captured and imprisoned by dreadful pirates. In order to curry favor with the guards, he recreated the pirate captain in effigy using a cask bung, some wax and his own pubic hair. Of course this was all in vain, as there was a kraken lurking in the cold, watery shadows beneath the hull. The disruptions that ensue give me immeasurable joy, and my hands still shake when feeding the gulls.